White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
