Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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