i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
