I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
