i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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