Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Randomize
