sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
