Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
