so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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