Whod you bang
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
