dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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