He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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