so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
What a dumb baby whore.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
