I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
