she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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