i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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