if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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