I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
