My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
