You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
