What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
