I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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