I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You smell like stripper and shame
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
