Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
