I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
