fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
