When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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