i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
