I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
