Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
