My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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