she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
