at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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