I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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