I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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