I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
