Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
