Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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