Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
