your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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