What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
