need another drink. this is the easiest way
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
