I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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