eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
