If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
we're making bets on your personal life
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
