Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
