and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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