Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
