how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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