the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
