OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
