Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
